Dear Henrietta,
I found a tiny little fawn in my backyard, resting against the fence near the edge of the Trent River. She’s been there for a full two days, and her mother is nowhere to be seen. Sometimes she disappears for a few hours but then comes back to my lawn. I’m worried. What can I do to help her survive?
Signed,
Darling Deer
Dear Darling Deer,
Your fawn is in trouble and you need an action plan to keep her alive!
Here’s my best advice:
1. Go to Publix and buy some goat milk. Baby deer like that.
2. Get two baby bottles and some duct tape. Strap the bottles filled with the goat milk
to an old belt using the tape around your abdomen / chest area, in order to create
udders of sorts.
3. Now, go outside and make the call of the wild. You need to attract your fawn so you
can feed it. But you must get her attention: try something like a bird calling out to its
young: CA-CAW-CA-CAW will probably work. Use your instincts. If the fawn doesn’t
come right back, try this again under the light of the moon.
4. If step three doesn’t bring your fawn to you, go to a local outdoors supply store and
buy a tent, break up a salt lick, and spray around some doe urine. This is your most
aggressive step to saving your fawn. Hunker down in the tent with your supplies and
wait patiently.
5. If she still doesn’t come, call in the troops. Invite your friends and neighbors over for
to help and try step four again—and have them bring some moonshine. This will get
you all through the long and (smelly) night.
I hope this helps and remember: compassion to animals is a sign of goodness in character.
Love,
Henrietta
Henrietta Craven was born and raised in New Bern and enjoys gardening, hunting bears and improvisational dance. She is a self-proclaimed expert on a wide variety of subjects including (but not limited to) fashion, mixology, and cooking. Henrietta resides in a lovely Victorian home in downtown New Bern with her five cats: Graffenreid, Bethune, Devereux, Stanton and Carraway.