I live on a boat in New Bern harbor. It’s great, but my toilet is clogged. What should I do?
Signed,
All Backed Up
Dear All Backed Up:
My best advice is to do nothing. These situations always rectify themselves. Oh dear, I made a pun!
Your top priority should be to eat more fiber. High fiber foods include anything on the menu at Bojangles, chocolate eclairs, and our local favorite—founded right here in New Bern—Pepsi!
On second thought, you could put some “Brad’s drink,” as they used to call it, in that toilet of yours. It just might get things moving. Did you know that there are many varieties of Pepsi to choose from? They’ve made some crazy flavors! Pepsi wild cherry, raging razzberry, strawberry burst, tropical chill, candy, twist, vanilla, holiday spice, lime, lemon, ginger…the list goes on and on!
My personal favorite is the Pepsi Mojito. I drink it in the morning with a little shot of rum in it. You should try that. After a few of those, you won’t even remember the situation with the toilet.
Another idea is to buy some tight sealing Tupperware and do your morning constitutional in a tidy little container. Then buy a Febreze plug-in. My favorite scent is Honey Berry Hula.
So there you are! Problem solved.
I hope this helps and remember: sometimes the best action is no action at all.
Love,
Henrietta
Henrietta Craven was born and raised in New Bern and enjoys gardening, hunting bears and improvisational dance. She is a self-proclaimed expert on a wide variety of subjects including (but not limited to) fashion, mixology, and automotive repair. Henrietta resides in a lovely Victorian home in downtown New Bern with her five cats: Graffenreid, Bethune, Devereux, Stanton and Carraway.
If you have a problem, and would like Henrietta to give you some advice,
please send a note to: henrietta@newbernmagazine.com